One day a daughter was complaining to her mother about her life. She said it was really hard and she didn't know how she was going to make it. She didn't know life was going to be such a struggle.
 
Her mother took her hand and led her to the kitchen where she filled three pots with water and turned them on to boil. In one, she placed carrots. In the second pot, she placed eggs and in the third, she placed ground up coffee beans. After 20 minutes, the mother turned off the stove and asked her daughter, "What do you see?" The daughter replied, "Carrots, eggs and coffee beans."
 
"Look closer. Touch them," the mother said. The daughter felt the carrots and noted that they were soft. She broke an egg and found that it was hard-boiled. Then, she sipped the coffee and found it to be rich, hot and delicious.
 
"The carrots, eggs and coffee beans were all exposed to the same adversity - hot water," the mother explained. "The carrots went in strong, hard and unrelenting, but after facing the hot water, they became soft and weak. The eggs had been fragile, with only a thin outer shell protecting them. But after sitting in the hot water, the inside became hardened. The coffee beans were different. They changed the hot water in which they had been placed," the mother said.  
 
"Which are you? When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond?" the mother asked. "Are you a carrot that seems hard but with pain and adversity becomes weak? Or are you an egg, which starts off with a malleable heart that becomes hard after a death, job loss, or divorce? Or are you a coffee bean that takes the adversity and changes it into something good? When things are at their worst, do you get better and make things better around you?"

 

You've known people in your life who get knocked down by circumstance or fate or just plain bad luck. The death of a loved one, the loss of a job, divorce, serious illnesses and other traumas can do it. And you've seen them get back to their feet time and time again. Ever wonder where that strength comes from and wish you had some of it?
 
It's called resilience and it involves behaviors, thoughts and actions that can be learned and developed in anyone.
 
Resilience is "the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or even significant sources of stress - such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems, or workplace, and financial stressors", according to the American Psychological Association. "It means 'bouncing back' from difficult experiences."
 
We are a country of spirited survivors. Think of some of the events our people, our ancestors, have gone through - the American Revolution, the Civil War, World War I, the Great Depression, World War II, Vietnam, the Civil Rights Movement, the Gulf war, Black Friday on the stock market, 9/11/2001, and Hurricane Katrina. Despite the horror and devastation of all those events and many others, Americans bounced back. Although it's hard to believe after listening to the evening news every day, our country will bounce back from today's economic disasters.
 
Personal resilience is not magic. Building it is a personal, ongoing process that takes time and effort. Being resilient doesn't keep you from experiencing stress, emotional pain, suffering and sadness. But, it gives you the strength to "get through" the hard times.
 
There are several factors that contribute to resilience: