Dear Journey Readers,
 
My 79 year-old mother just moved into the house with me, my husband and our three grandchildren, making us a three-generation household. It was a big move for her - from country to city and from living alone to a household where people are coming and going all the time. It is a big transition for us as well as we incorporate her into our lives. One more plate at the table. Another package of pork chops at the grocery store. Another personality to take into account.
 
I like the idea of the children getting to know their great grandmother and vice versa. I want them to experience extended family, to get some idea of where they came from.
This quote from Pearl S. Buck sums up how I feel about it:
 
The lack of emotional security of our American young people is due, I believe, to their isolation from the larger family unit.  No two people - no mere father and mother - as I have often said, are enough to provide emotional security for a child.  He needs to feel himself one in a world of kinfolk, persons of variety in age and temperament, and yet allied to himself by an indissoluble bond which he cannot break if he could, for nature has welded him into it before he was born.
 
All of this generational mixing got me to thinking about family identity and its importance in our lives. Just as each of us has our own personalities, families also have distinctive characteristics that make them unique. Knowing what makes our family special - traditions, values, ways of relating to one another - gives us an understanding of ourselves and how we fit in the world. This is especially important for children. Studies show that children who identify with their family values tend to be less promiscuous and face less risk of drug and alcohol abuse.
 
When children identify with family, they have:

 

 

An interesting experiment to try is to ask yourself and others in your family "What is a (family name)?" For instance, my question would be "What is a Chappell?" Some of the answers I might give are: A Chappell is responsible and trustworthy. Our family believes in God. Our family sticks together. Our family does not use illegal drugs. Our family shows respect for one another and others.
 
In some families, family identity has been passed along for generations. Some of us, especially those who have family scattered all over, may have to create our own family identity. Here are some principles to get started:
 

 

By doing these things you are building connections and memories. As George Eliot said: What greater thing is there for human souls than to feel that they are joined for life - to be with each other in silent unspeakable memories. 
 

Wishing you happy family memories, 

Delane