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| Volume 4 Issue 1 |
January 2010
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Welcome to the New Year!
My 26-year-old son loves to browse in home improvement stores. Since he's not a homeowner, I asked him why it appealed to him, and his response was that "there's just so much potential. They make you feel like anything is possible."
I feel that way about the new year - it's an exciting place to be, and it's filled with potential. This could be the year when (insert your own hope)!
Each of us possesses much potential as well. Potential is good, but without action it lies dormant. We may have the creativity, the energy, the ability and the resources to make things happen, but for some of us, something holds us back, something keeps us from action.
Chances are our lack of self esteem gets in our way. This month's Journey is about self-esteem - what it is and how to get it.
My hope for you is that you'll take some of your own potential and turn it into something good.
Blessings,
Delane |
Boosting Your Self-Esteem
Improving the Way You Feel About Yourself |
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 "Self-esteem is the reputation we acquire with ourselves."
-Nathaniel Branden
Leading self-esteem researcher and theorist
Improving self-esteem is a very personal journey. It's a key part of feeling happy within ourselves and of feeling that we're succeeding in the things that matter to us.
Positive self-esteem helps you to be yourself, handle adversity, and believe that you'll win through, despite setbacks. It's an inner force that sustains you and gives you the courage you need to be the person you want to be.
Low self-esteem, on the other hand, does the opposite. It's connected to self-doubt and to a general feeling that you're not quite good enough to meet life's challenges. If you have low self-esteem, you may believe that you aren't capable of achieving your dreams, and you may even believe that you shouldn't dream at all. In fact, low self-esteem is used to diagnose many mental disorders, and it can be associated with to a variety of negative emotions, including anxiety, sadness, hostility, shame, embarrassment, loneliness and lack of spontaneity.
What Is Self-Esteem?
You're probably familiar with the idea of self-esteem. It's most often associated with self confidence, but self-esteem is more than just confidence - it goes deeper. In fact, some people argue that you can have self-confidence and still have low self-esteem - most notably if you approach life with a "fake it 'til you make it" attitude (in other words, "pretend" until you succeed).
Healthy self-esteem doesn't involve faking anything. And although there's significant debate over the definition of self-esteem, a leading theory is that it's a combination of two factors: competence and worthiness.
Other models have focused on one of these factors or the other. However, it's the relationship between the two that provides the best description. Nathaniel Branden says the following in his book "The Psychology of Self-Esteem":
Self-esteem has two interrelated aspects: it entails a sense of personal efficacy and a sense of personal worth. It is the integrated sum of self-confidence and self-respect. It is the conviction that one is competent to live and worthy of living.
Competence and Worthiness
The competence element of self-esteem deals with how far you believe that you have the skills and abilities you need to succeed in areas that matter to you.
This isn't generalized success, or even a general sense of competence. It's specific to areas of your life that are particularly important to you. For example, if you can sing and dance and entertain a crowd like no one else, that won't contribute to positive self-esteem if what you really value is academic success. Likewise, if you rise to the top of your profession, but you're not proud of that profession, it's unlikely that it will help your sense of self-esteem much.
It's this idea of "value" that brings us to the other element of self-esteem: worthiness. This is where you express your overall evaluation of yourself. It's based on your values, and on whether you routinely behave in a way that is consistent with these values. Together, these factors influence whether you believe you're "good enough," and whether you like and respect the person you are.
By combining competence and worthiness, and by looking at how they relate to each other, we get a full and dynamic definition of self-esteem. Just feeling good about yourself isn't self-esteem. There has to be a competence element, so that your behaviors result in positive actions, not destructive ones. Too great a sense of worthiness can lead to conceit, and even narcissism. Healthy self-esteem keeps those things in balance.
Note:
Looking at self-esteem this way allows us to see the difference between healthy self-esteem and too much self-esteem, which can lead to aggressive and destructive behavior. Thinking that you're better than others can cause arrogance, bullying, and worse. And if your level of self-esteem is too far in advance of your abilities, you're setting yourself up for failure, humiliation, frustration and anger. (In fact, some researchers link this to domestic violence.)
Improving Self-Esteem
Now that you know what self-esteem is, you're in a better position to improve yours in a robust and balanced way.
Here are some tips for improving your self-esteem:
- Think about yourself positively - The only person who can change your view of yourself is you! No one else can give you self-esteem - you have to build it by thinking about and using all of the positive things in your life. Make sure that you get into the habit of positive thinking, and learn how to detect and defeat patterns of self sabotage. And be your own best cheerleader and supporter!
- Take pride in your accomplishments - When you do something well, celebrate it. Don't wait for someone else to tell you how wonderful you are. Tell yourself!
- Set goals
- The more successes you achieve, the better you'll feel about yourself. Goal setting is a great technique for targeting, tracking and recognizing success. It helps you to build competence and, from this, build a sense of pride and a feeling of worthiness. Make sure that you embrace goal setting!
- Be consistent
- You improve self-esteem when you act in ways that are consistent with your values. If you find yourself in a compromising or difficult situation, do all that you can to make a decision that is consistent with these values. Achieve your goals with integrity, and don't undermine your self-esteem by cheating, or acting in a dishonest way.
- Remember that you aren't perfect
- Don't be too hard on yourself. We all make mistakes, and that's often OK, just as long as we learn from them. The only person's standards you have to meet are your own: stop worrying about what others think, and focus on the great things about yourself. If you do, your inner confidence will shine through, and more than compensate for any shortcomings you might have.
- Look after your physical self
- Being active can improve self-esteem. Activities that improve your overall health help you feel more in control, and give you a sense of satisfaction that carries though to other areas of your life.
Key Points
The way you feel about yourself is key to self-esteem. You're the one in control, and you can make a difference. If you like yourself, and believe that you deserve good things in life, you'll have high self-esteem. If you dislike yourself or criticize yourself excessively, you'll have low sense of self-esteem.
Having healthy self-esteem is important because it helps you get through life's challenges and achieve the things that matter most to you. As such, make a commitment to yourself to value what you do and who you are!
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| Healing Combat Trauma |
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If you are a veteran and suspect that you may have post trauma stress disorder (PTSD) or combat trauma, you may now have an additional resource available to you in Columbus.
Eighteen Pastoral Institute counselors have been extensively trained in an evidence-based procedure called Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), a protocol approved by the Veterans Administration and the World Health Organization for use with combat veterans and trauma survivors.
How does EMDR work?
During counseling, your counselor will help you identify sensations, thoughts, feelings, and images related to combat. The use of the EMDR protocol helps the brain make new neural pathways between the "thinking brain" and the "feeling brain," resulting in a reduction of symptoms.
Not sure if you have PTSD? Some of the symptoms are:
- Feeling "emotionally numb"
- Re-experiencing traumatic events as vivid memories, flashbacks or nightmares
Isolating from family and friends and avoiding social situations
- Self-medicating through increased reliance on alcohol,
 drugs, sex, pornography, gambling or thrill-seeking behaviors in order to get through the day
- Having difficulty falling or staying asleep, sleeping too much and experiencing nightmares
- Feeling overwhelmed by what would normally be considered everyday situations and having diminished interest in performing normal tasks or pursuing usual interests
- Increased feelings of moodiness, irritability, anger, suspicion or expectation of danger in ordinary situations
- Guilt over surviving the trauma
- Crying uncontrollably
- Fears and sense of doom about the future
Call (706) 649-6500 today to make an appointment. | |
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Journey is a monthly publication of the Business Resource Center of the Pastoral Institute. It is our hope that you will find something in its pages that will help you on your life's journey. The Employee Assistance Program provided by your business or organization makes counseling services available for you and your family. To make an appointment in Columbus, call 706-649-6500; in Valley, AL call 334-768-2341; other locations, call 800-649-6446 for a referral in your area. Counseling is confidential. |
Disclaimer
Information contained in this newsletter is for information only and is not intended to replace qualified medical or mental health assessments. If you need immediate assistance, or if you or your family is in crisis, please contact a qualified mental health provider. If you are suicidal, call 911 or go immediately to the nearest hospital emergency room. | |
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