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The journey between what you once were and who you are becoming is where the dance of life really takes place.
- Barbara DeAngelis |
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Volume 4 Issue 4 April 2010
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| Coping with the "Big C" | |
Dear Journey Readers,
Recently, the Turner Ministry Center at the Pastoral Institute invited Mike Venable, his wife Jill Tigner, my husband Bill and me to write articles on cancer and spirituality for its publication, The Bridge. We also participated in a lunch & learn forum on the topic. If you're interested, you may read our articles by clicking here.
Between us, we have a wealth of "Big C" experience. Mike, publisher of Columbus and the Valley magazine, lost a kidney and 12 lymph nodes to renal cell carcinoma; Bill, a Columbus State University professor, lived through a diagnosis and two recurrences of testicular cancer; and I had breast cancer and was more recently diagnosed with a rare cancer called carcinoid tumors that have metastasized to my liver. Jill was Mike's caregiver, and Bill and I serve as caregivers to one another.
None of us are reticent to discuss our cancers and how we cope. Our shared experiences teach us that we are not alone in our symptoms, in working through medical systems and insurance issues and in our emotional response to these life-threatening diseases. Recognizing that no two people will cope in exactly the same way, our discussion and my thoughts afterward yielded the following general observations:
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Being diagnosed with cancer is a sea change (transformational) experience. Your life is never the same. Initially, it seems unreal. The feeling that your body has betrayed you and that your life might end takes a while to soak in. Denial, bargaining with God, questioning "why me?" and fear and anger are among the emotional aspects of dealing with cancer. They are normal responses. The challenge is to not get emotionally stuck in any one of them.
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Cancer is no respecter of persons. It is an equal opportunity disease. It doesn't care how much money you make or what kind of car you drive. It doesn't care about the color of your skin, your age, your gender or your religious preference.
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The disease and the treatment are often tough. There are times when you have to reach deep within yourself to muster the determination (my mother-in-law calls it fortitude) to go on. However, the will to survive is strong. Despite the hair loss, weight loss, extreme fatigue and pain, testing, surgery, and treatments, many cancer survivors manage to find the positive aspect behind that dark cloud of the disease.
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You start to value each day as a precious gift. You feel the wind in your hair, the sun on your face, and see the smallest of flowers tucked into crevices. For me, the touch of others infuses me with their life force, making me stronger.
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You see life with greater clarity and perspective. You are better able to discern what is important and what isn't. Things that seemed really important yesterday show up as barely a blip on the radar screen.
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The people you love become ever so precious to you. You value your time with them. You memorize their faces, the sound of their voices. Many survivors reach out to estranged family members to mend fences and heal old wounds.
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You discover that you are not alone and that many people want to help you. Most just, don't know how. One of the greatest gifts you can give them is to tell them how to help. Would you bring supper? Would you clean the kitchen? Would you take the children to your house to play for a while? The activities of daily life go on. So, ask for what you need. One of the most appreciated gifts I've ever received was a friend who had my hair dresser come to the hospital to wash my hair.
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Many people with a cancer diagnosis look more deeply for meaning in their lives. They want to understand their purpose and their legacy. They want to examine the things they have experienced in life. Some look for a sense of peace or a bond with others. Some seek to forgive themselves or others for past actions.
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Some look for answers and strength through religion or spirituality. Being spiritual can mean different things to different people, and it usually is a very personal issue. Everyone has their own beliefs about the meaning of life. Some people find it through religion or faith. Some people find it by helping others, championing causes or in other ways. Having cancer may cause you to think about what you believe. You may think about God or a Higher Power, an afterlife, about the connections between living things. This can bring a sense of peace or many questions.
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Think like a survivor, not like a victim. A positive attitude is a crucial element of the healing process. It gives you a reason to rise in the morning and live your life as fully as your illness allows. A positive attitude quiets fear and brings hope.
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Cancer is a major illness, but not everyone who gets cancer dies from it. For them, cancer has become a chronic health problem, like high blood pressure or diabetes. While it is normal to think about dying and healthy to explore your feelings about death, it is also important to focus on living. Keep in mind that cancer is not always a death sentence. Many people with cancer are treated successfully. Others will live a long time before dying from cancer.
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Carpe diem! Embrace the day!
If you've been diagnosed with cancer (or any life threatening disease), please consider talking with a Pastoral Institute counselor. The burden lightens when shared with another.
Seize the day,
Delane |
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| Counselor Profile |
Having trouble coping with your diagnosis of cancer or any life threatening disease? It might help to talk with a Pastoral Institute counselor.
Mabry is a Licensed Professional Counselor at the Pastoral Institute. His areas of focus are premarital and marital counseling and individual issues such as grief, depression and anger management.
He holds a Bachelor of Arts degree from Baylor University, a Master of Science degree in community counseling from Georgia State University, and a Master of Divinity degree from Southern Seminary. Mabry is also a life and ministry coach.
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Journey is a monthly publication of the Business Resource Center of the Pastoral Institute. It is our hope that you will find something in its pages that will help you on your life's journey. The Employee Assistance Program provided by your business or organization makes counseling services available for you and your family. To make an appointment in Columbus, call 706-649-6500; in Valley, AL call 334-768-2341; other locations, call 800-649-6446 for a referral in your area. Counseling is confidential. |
Disclaimer:
Information contained in this newsletter is for information only and is not intended to replace qualified medical or mental health assessments. If you need immediate assistance, or if you or your family is in crisis, please contact a qualified mental health provider. If you are suicidal, call 911 or go immediately to the nearest hospital emergency room. |
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Business Resource Center, a division of the Pastoral Institute | 2022 Fifteenth Avenue | Columbus | GA | 31901
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