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Volume 3 Issue 11
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November 2009
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This month's topic is fear, the emotion that probably restricts and
inhibits individual, community and global growth more than anything
else. I'll only touch on it briefly here, but I hope you'll think about
your own fears and how to overcome them. I hope, too, that it will
generate some conversation in your break room and with your family.
When I started writing business news for the Columbus Ledger-Enquirer
in the 1980s, I experienced sheer terror when I'd have to contact business
leaders like Bill Turner, CEO of the W.C. Bradley Co., John Amos, CEO
of Aflac and Jimmy Blanchard, Chairman and CEO of Synovus. My heart
would pound, but I had a job to do, so I'd take a deep breath and punch
in the phone number.
I wasn't afraid of the men, but I was afraid that I'd reveal my
ignorance about their businesses. I had this absurd notion that I was
supposed to know everything about everything, and I knew I didn't. As a
result of my faulty thinking, I created a lot of unnecessary stress for
myself. It wasn't long, though, before my fears evaporated, and I'll
tell you why. First, I had stepped outside my comfort zone and found it
to be a really exciting place. I loved reporting business news, and I
learned to appreciate the challenges that leaders of organizations
face. Breaking news stories was like putting together an intricate
puzzle or like being a detective and searching for clues. It was fun!
Second, I discovered I didn't have to know everything. What a relief
that was! I learned how to read an earnings report; the Wall Street
Journal became my companion; and I gave myself permission to allow
others to teach me. They were glad to do so. I have found that most
people want you to succeed.
I experienced an incredible amount of growth and my life was made
immensely richer because I overcame my fear. It opened doors in my life
that I didn't even know existed. If you are being held back because of
fear, start working with a counselor or a professional coach. You can
break through the fear barrier!
Best,
Delane Chappell
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 It is a dark
and stormy night; and you're home alone watching your favorite sitcom.
Suddenly, the front door slams open. Your breathing quickens. Your
pulse races. Your heart pounds. Your muscles tighten.
For a second, you fear that your life is in danger, and your body
instantaneously prepares to fight or flee. But, within one or two
minutes, you to realize that the wind blew the door open, and you are
safe. The adrenalin shuts down, and your respiration, heart rate, and
muscle tension begin to return to normal.
This is primal fear, and its function is your
survival. It's what the caveman experienced when he came
eyeball-to-eyeball with his first tiger. Even today, we carry this
primal fear with us, although our triggers are much different from the
caveman's. It's what you experience when you're waiting for the results
of a biopsy or when the boss says she wants to see you in her office or
when you have to make a presentation before a group or when your
teenager is hanging out with his buds and police officers knock at your
door.
Some fears are healthy and others unhealthy. When
we are afraid of something that cannot actually harm us - like spiders
- or something we can do nothing to avoid - like aging - then our fear
is unhealthy because it makes us unhappy and we lose the joy of the
present moment. However, when a person gives up smoking because of fear
of developing lung cancer, the fear is healthy because the danger is
real and there are steps to be taken to avoid it.
Numerous studies have been done about people's
fears, which include but are not limited to, fears of spiders, snakes,
dogs, flying, enclosed spaces, water, failure, public speaking,
heights, intimacy, death, social rejection, gang violence, and clowns.
Basically, though, people seem to have two primary fears - fear of
death or pain and fear of social rejection or isolation.
Fear has its purpose in our lives. We should be
cautious of rattlesnakes, men with guns pointed at us, and approaching
tornadoes because they can harm us. But we need to work on fears that
can't harm us - like fear of the dark and fear of meeting new
people.
Many fears are learned from our culture and our environment. For
example, a mother who is afraid of water will keep her children away
from it and emphasize the dangers. On the other hand, others thrive on
fear. For instance, some people find riding a roller coaster, jumping
from airplanes, and climbing steep mountainsides
exhilarating.
Fear is also contagious, growing from a two-person conversation to a
panic epidemic. The search for and subsequent burning of
"witches" in Salem, Massachusetts, in 1692 is an example of
fear gone awry. It started when a little girl started having
convulsions, and the doctor, unable to explain why, diagnosed
witchcraft as the source. Terror struck the community ending with 25
deaths and innocent people in prison.
STEPS
IN OVERCOMING FEAR
These are some steps that may help you as you face
your own fears:
- Analyze
the fear. Will it harm you? If it can't, you don't have to be
afraid of it.
- See
what others are doing. If others are doing what you fear, chances
are you can too.
- Confront
what you are afraid of. If you are afraid of riding escalators,
slowly condition yourself to them. First visit, go up to one and
observe it. Second visit, touch the rails. Third visit, get on the
up escalator and ride. Fourth visit, ride down the escalator. The
more you do it, the less the fear.
- If
the situation you fear is truly dangerous, don't try to do the
third suggestion here. But, if you are faced with it, remember to
stay calm and follow safety guidelines.
- Change
the way you think and act. You can control your thoughts. Whenever
a negative thought or fear enters, choose to stop it in its
tracks. Change your thought to something positive.
- Consciously
try to program positive thoughts into your mind every day. Some
people use affirmations to do this. If you fear spiders, then your
affirmation might be "I enjoy watching spiders build their
webs." The goal is not to touch the spider, but rather for
you to stay calm when you see one.
- Take
the offense rather than the defense. What you imagine is almost
always worse than the truth.
- If
you have a phobia, like being in a crowd or going to a place that
you dislike, ask a friend to be there with you. Keep in mind that
nothing will happen.
- Some
fears require the help of a professional counselor.
Quotes on Fear
Marie Curie
Nothing in
life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.
Dale
Carnegie
Inaction
breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you
want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and
get busy.
Anne
Frank
The best
remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside,
somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and
God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and
that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of
nature.
Don
Miguel Ruiz
Death is not
the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be
alive -- the risk to be alive and express what we really are.
Eleanor
Roosevelt
You gain
strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you
really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you
think you cannot do.
Ralph Waldo
Emerson
Don't waste
life in doubts and fears; spend yourself on the work before you, well
assured that the right performance of this hour's duties will be the
best preparation for the hours and ages that will follow it.
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COUNSELOR
PROFILE
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Martha Dodson, LCSW
Martha Dodson is a licensed clinical social worker
and a professional
coach at the Pastoral Institute in Columbus, GA.
Prior to joining the Pastoral Institute in 1999, she was a counselor
with Genesis Behavioral Health and the Family Counseling Center.
Martha has worked with national and local Employee Assistance Programs
as a counselor since 1990. Martha graduated from Florida State
University with a Bachelor's degree in psychology. She received a
Master's Degree in Social Work from Washington University in St. Louis.
Martha brings a wealth of experience in helping individuals with fear
issues.
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Journey is a monthly publication of the Business Resource Center
of the Pastoral Institute. It is our hope that you will find something
in its pages that will help you on your life's journey. The Employee
Assistance Program provided by your business or organization makes
counseling services available for you and your family. To make an
appointment in Columbus, call 706-649-6500; in Valley, AL call
334-768-2341; other locations, call 800-649-6446 for a referral in your
area. Counseling is confidential.
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Disclaimer
Information contained in this newsletter is for
information only and is not intended to replace qualified medical or
mental health assessments. If you need immediate assistance, or if you
or your family is in crisis, please contact a qualified mental health
provider. If you are suicidal, call 911 or go immediately to the
nearest hospital emergency room.
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