Hello and welcome to Journey,

I have a friend who was molested by her stepfather from ages 12-17. She kept the secret for years because she didn't want to hurt her mother. One day when she was 14, she got upset and amid tears and anguish the horrible truth poured out. Her mother cried. But nothing else happened. No confrontation. No calls to the sheriff's office. No discussion. No change in residence. No hugs. No support. Life continued as if she had never spoken. And the abuse continued.
 
When she graduated from high school, she escaped from the physical proximity of her stepfather, but she carried the scars of sexual abuse with her - lack of trust, difficulty with relationships, and more anger than she knew how to handle. In college, she began counseling, which helped her confront her hatred of her stepfather and her own powerlessness. But, she had the most difficulty dealing with her feelings toward her mother. The one person who was supposed to love her, be her most ardent advocate, and take care of her had emotionally abandoned her. She felt the hurt deeply and profoundly. She found herself in a whirlpool of contradictory emotions - loving her mother and hating her too.
 
Discussions with her mother about the abuse led nowhere. When the topic was brought up, her mother retreated to tears. She gave up any hope that healing would ever occur.  
 
Like most of us, my friend yearned for a loving relationship with her mother. She rationalized reasons for why her mother had failed her. She prayed many times for the strength to forgive her. But forgiveness didn't happen.  
 
Many years later, driving home from visiting her mother, she was thinking about how the abuse had affected her life and about her relationship with her mother. Then, she made the decision "I want to forgive her. I do forgive her." My friend said it felt as if a great weight was lifted from her as she let go of all the hurt. She felt at peace, joyous even.
 
The topic of this month's Journey is forgiveness. Is there someone in your life that you need to forgive? It starts with a decision.
 
Best wishes,
Delane Chappell